Is it I?
© 2024-09-02 Luther Tychonievich
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Refelctions on blame and opportunity.

In Matthew’s account of Jesus’s last supper we have an interesting exchange. He was eating with twelve of his closest friends and associates and decided good dinner conversation would be one of you will betray me.

The friends were understandably concerned by this, but Jesus wasn’t known for his sense of humor so they took it quite seriously and started asking Lord, is it I? Master, is it I?

Jesus’s answer was enigmatic at best: the person I’m eating with will betray me. Of course, he was eating with all twelve of them so that didn’t help at all.

But then when one of them asked the same is it I? as the others, Jesus gave a different answer: you said it.

There are other ways to translate Matthew’s account, but the one I give above is the one that came to mind several times last week. Last week many of the people around me were worried, stressed, or upset by one thing or another. As I looked at the unhappiness around me I felt to ask is it I? Sometimes I asked myself, as a form of personal reflection; sometimes I asked others, as a way to learn about others’ difficulties; and sometimes I asked God in prayer.

As with Jesus’s dinner guests, a few times the answer was yes, it’s you but usually that wasn’t the answer11 I can’t say that every week, but this week I was only occasionally at fault. But the lack of it’s you wasn’t the same as it’s not you. To explain that, let’s again consider Jesus.

The popular narrative of Jesus’s life suggest that he was rarely if ever at fault. And yet that same narrative also suggests that he often intervened anyway. If he asked is it I? meaning is it my fault? the answer would be no. If he asked is it I? meaning is this something I can help with? the answer would be yes. Never at fault, always engaged.

I’m not as good as Jesus: when I ask Is it I? Is it my fault? sometimes the answer is yes. I’m also not as able as Jesus: when I ask Is it I? Can I help? sometimes the answer is no. But often, very often, the answer is in between: not my fault, but I can help22 Sometimes, though fortunately rarely, it’s the other in-between: my fault but I can’t fix it.. And to the degree that I am successful in becoming a better person, I expect those in-between answers to come more and more often.